You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
