why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
