I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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