upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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