Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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