i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
FUCK WHALES
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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