if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
