he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
sarcasm needs its own font
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize