Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
