The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
