I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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