I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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