omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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