There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize