I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
