overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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