Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
