the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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