I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
