there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
