Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
false alarm. still invincible.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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