And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think my fart just growled at me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
