I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
