I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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