He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
