Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You made out with two different species that night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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