you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
