I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
