college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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