You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
