I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
