at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
