My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize