he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
