So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
