you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
