how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
