Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
