Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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