You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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