I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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