I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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