I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh god the rape fog is back!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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