i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You did what with his pubic hair?
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