It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
