From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
