Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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