i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
