This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
