The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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