and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
