My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
