I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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