He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My sheets look like a crime scene.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
