you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
