Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
