The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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