So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
