Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
