with your own penis?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
