party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
