i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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