1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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