____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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