My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
