So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
