I love black thongs
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, beer. Big fan.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize