Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
