there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize