go do what you do best...puke behind churches
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
