White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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