wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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