I showed him my bush... on skype.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
