You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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