I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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