he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
