Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
