so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
