im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
