I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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