just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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