Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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