drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
