Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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