dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
