I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Randomize