Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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