I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
