Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
