She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
