Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
