you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
