I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
