chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
FUCK WHALES
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
