Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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