Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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