I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize