can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
