Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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